Alfred Almost Gives Up On Bruce
by Not So-so
Summary: A fabulous tale of adventure and friendship. Let the randomness and crude humor flow through your face until you are but one.


Disclaimer: That which is disclaimed… cannot be claimed. Therefore, anything already claimed as some else's is naturally not mine.

Authors fabulous note: Nothing is whatever you want it to be and everything is whatever you can't have.

* * *

 **-Wayne Manor-**

"No. No, no, no!" Alfred yelled, as he passed Brucey by.

"But, Alfred…" Bruce whined, but Alfred would have none of his bull.

"No, I will not be your _'sidekick'_. First of all, I'm too old, secondarily _'sidekick?'—_ I'm your elder and I will not be demeaned."

"But, Alfred, it's really fun. We could go fight crime and then have Pancakes later." Pancakes sounded tempting, but Alfred would not back down from his decision. The batman continued, "Lucius and Gordon say they'll fight crime with me. Why can't you?" Bruce asked.

"Lucius is fighting crime with you?" he exclaimed, surprised.

"Indeed, I am." Lucius strode in from the shadows, wearing the Robin costume from the Adam West batman show and movie, "We make a good team."

Then Gordon came in, not nearly as elegantly or epically as Lucius, but who can beat Morgan—I mean, _Lucius—_ at anything?

"Hi…" Gordon said, his moustache moustaching away as he spoke.

"So, do you think it's a good idea now?" Bruce asked, folding his arms, as though he'd won, which he hadn't. Cheeky penguin-foot!

"No. No, you have not!"

Bruce sighed and pulled his arms up as if calling to the heavens to help him with this horrifying predicament. But, Alfred will not budge!

 **-The bad guys lair-**

"We are going to burn him… We are going to burn _the heart_ out of him." The joker said, referring to no other than…: Batman! As he shuffled and paced around Ra's Al Guhlikins and Baneypoo.

"He will not see the light of day, once we're done with him." Bane said, folding his arms together, but he was so confident that he tied his arms together in an actual bow. He then attempting to unravel his arms, but, like an old pile of jewelry, it was no use and he gave up and accepted that this was how it was going to be for the rest of his life.

"Is anyone as hyped as I am for the next Super-Duper-Mighty-Man movie?" some random dude asked. He was shortly escorted out.

"Yes…" Ra's said. "Our plans are all coming to fruition. Soon we will get what we want."

"And it's all thanks to us all working together as a team!" (1960s) Robin said. Robin had decided to join the dark side after falling in love with Bane.

Everyone, aside from Bane, just glared at Robin, but they knew not to say anything, as Bane would kick their asses and make them fly to the stars and suffocate.

Holy teamwork, Ra's-Man." And that's when Ra's had had enough. He stepped towards Robin and, while putting on his fabulous hello kitty cap, he punched Robin so hard that he died. The end.

Bane looked furious. He grabbed Ra's by the neck, with his legs, and was about to break his neck when—

"Now, now, people. Let's not destroy 'Robin's' legacy. Calm down." The joker said.

"You are right…" Bane said, as he let go of Ra's.

"The Batman will pay the ultimate price for painting the roses red!" The Riddler yelled in the distance.

"Neeahahahahahaahahahaaha!" they all cackled into the sparkling wind.

 **-Wayne Manure (Horseshit)-**

"Try to see it my way, Alfred." Bruce said, "Only time will tell you if I'm right or I am wrong."

"No." Alfred protested with all his might, waving his arms around with so much force that he became an airplane and flew away only to hit the wall.

BAM!

The sound of rubble came into the room like an unexpected alarm clock, and through the swirls of the dust people appeared…! Villains!

"Noooooo!" Bruce yelled as he took a giant hammer and threw all the force in his arms at the hooligans.

All the other heroes Bruce had enlisted starting battling too, but to no prevail.

Alfred knew, as dust and spells were flying everywhere like a giant swarm of bees covering almost all sight, what he had to do next. He crouched down, accidently pinching his testicles, "OW!" He cried out to the heavens. He crouched down again, this time more careful, and absorbed all the power in the universe and became a _super saiyan wearing an orange spandex suit! *WOW*_

And he took out his wand and casted the most powerful spell in the entire world at the villains. "Yaaaaaaahhhh!" He yelled into the glittering atmosphere.

And all the villains died.

"You _do_ care!" Bruce cried in pure happiness.

And they all hugged.

Alfred decided he would join the gang!

The end.

* * *

Uh-mazingness! Right?! Farewell.


End file.
